A bit of funny fan fiction

I read the first three books of the Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare recently. She includes a great variety of demons into her stories. Those demons fight with the protagonists and return to their own dimension once they are dead.
I got to thinking about how the situation might look on the other side; the dimension the demons were coming from. So this little scene formed in my head:

We are on a gray, dusty planet. There are no trees. There is no grass. The light is a reddish glow filtered through the dust. Two demons walk side by side, followed by an enormous dumpster on wheels. Every now and then demon carcasses splat out of the sky to the ground. Most of them are slimy and oozing various sickening substances. Our two walking demons pick up the dead and toss them unceremoniously in the dumpster.


Antioch: There’s another one!

Brill: Yeah, I see it. Looks like a Moloch. Do we have enough room for a Moloch back there?

Antioch: Yeah, we just need to move the Carrion a bit.


Brill: Watch out!

Antioch: What is that one?

Brill: I don’t know, it looks like half of something.

Antioch: Front half or back half?

Brill: If I knew that, I knew what it was.

Antioch: Dude, I hate my job!


Brill: Come on dude, there’s probably just a big battle going on. It’ll calm down soon enough.

Antioch: I will still hate my job once it calmed down. I hate my life.

Brill: For that you would have to be alive.

Antioch: You know what I mean.

Brill: If you want to go on with another existential ranting session, go over there. I don’t want to hear it.

Antioch: Yeah, because you know everything I say is true. Come on dude, you know as well as I do that the whole system is not fair. I mean we need to feed on the emotion of living things. We have to. There’s no way around it. And where are the next living things? Not here. Not the next town over, or even on this stupid planet. They are in another thrice damned dimension! So we have to travel there, get our fix and go back.

Brill: Yes, and that is how things are and how they have always been and how they will always be.

Antioch: It still sucks.

B: Oh shut up.


Antioch: I’m just saying that in the economical sense, it is a lousy system of supply and demand.

Brill: Can you grab the tail of this one?

Antioch: Yeah, hold on.

Brill: The frequency is going down. The fight must be over.

Antioch: Yeah, that’s another thing. The constant fighting. Why can’t they just leave us alone?

Brill: Because we are killing them, dude.

Antioch: Yeah, but there are millions of other worlders and just so few of us. You know that summoning us is a lot of work for them? And creating another one of us is even harder work. Have you looked at the statistics lately? For every new demon that is created fifty get slain. We are going extinct, my friend.

Brill: Nah, you worry too much. As long as there is evil in the world, we will be around.

Antioch: You can’t deny a steady decline in our population. And even if we don’t die. We suffer at their hands. I mean look at me. How many arms do I have?

Brill: Seven.

Antioch: Does that look in any way right to you?

Brill: Nope, you’re missing three.

Antioch: Exactly. I was fighting with an other worlder and she cut them right off. I mean she was plenty afraid, all right, that’s why I’m not dead, but she cut my blasted arms off!

Brill: At least you are still fully corporeal with the rest of your body. I keep shimmering when I don’t want to.

Antioch: Yeah you’re seriously messed up.

Brill: Well thanks, idiot!

Antioch: I didn’t even know other worlders could drain us that much.

Brill: They can’t. I got drained by my boss. I didn’t get him what he wanted.

Antioch: That sucks big time.

Brill: Yeah. Let’s get out of the Dedicated Dropping Area. I need a break.


About scratchingcat

Writer, mother, friend.
This entry was posted in Comedy, Fiction and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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